Tom - Hebron Program & Servant Leadership Training Graduate
My name is Thomas and my heart was full of hatred at the young age of 5 years old. The earliest feelings that I remember having were those of abandonment, which quickly turned to lack of trust, lack of love and it grew into pure hatred. I aimed all of this pain, loneliness, anger and hate towards those closest to me. As people attempted to love me, I responded with ungodly attitudes. This allowed me to put up what I called my “wall of defense.”
I struggled greatly with wanting to be loved and being too scared to receive love. To be loved meant that I needed to trust others, be vulnerable to others, and even love them in return. I didn’t know how to do these things and I didn’t know where I could learn to do them. I didn’t want to be empty inside so I started looking for ways to fill my void. I started looking at porn, smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, and drinking beer. My participation in these behaviors increased each year until my mom gave me an ultimatum; she said that I was either going to stop this behavior or she was going to ship me off to a Job Corps Trade School in Michigan. I continued my ways, so off to Michigan I went.
I continued to drink and then I started to steal and falsify documents (i.e. identification cards) and yet I still couldn’t find any satisfaction. Although I did graduate, my disrespectful attitude towards authority landed me in enough hot water that the Superintendent told me that I was no longer welcome there anymore.
My next move was to join the Navy and deep down inside I was hoping that they would help me grow into a responsible man. Because I chose to continue in sin rather than surrender myself, I was eventually put out of the Navy.
Instead of looking at the role I played in my life, I blamed everyone else and allowed my anger to grow. I still wanted to change, so I got married. I refused to give up my desire to sin and eventually went back to drug and alcohol use, my growing addiction to porn, and adultery. I chose sin over marriage and this soon ended in divorce.
My life was spiraling out of control and I could not stop it. Eventually I was so wrapped in my sin that I participated in an illegal act that had me facing 12 years in prison for forgery. I signed my name to 3 checks that I knew where stolen. Even as the courts gave me an initial slap on the wrist during the sentencing, I still thumbed my nose towards their authority. They didn’t think too highly of my lack of respect and let me go to prison for a short time in hopes that my attitude would improve.
I met the requirements and towards the end of my work release stint, I met my future wife. I now had the desire to change my lifestyle for the sake of my marriage. I still enjoyed sin and this desire soon became bigger than my desire to change. I became a slave to sin again and I started getting in frequent trouble with the law, which kept my marriage on the verge of separation/divorce. I found myself facing more jail time when I was arrested for having a controlled substance on June 18
th 2007. As I was kneeling on my knees on the side of the road on U.S.31 in Noblesville, Indiana, I was waiting to be handcuffed and this is when I came to my senses. It was at that moment that I felt Gods love and mercy wash over me and I surrendered to Him. I wasn’t sure what God was going to do with me, how long it was going to take, or what I was going have to lose in the process, but one thing I was ce
.jpg)
rtain of was the fact that my old life was over. God let me know that it was time for me to follow Him, and I was ready to accept Him. God immediately started working on my heart. My cold, angry, bitter, black heart was now in Gods hands.
Over the next two years God took me from jail to total freedom. He placed me at the Lighthouse Mission and then at the Hebron Center. He started teaching me about how much He loves me and this in turn has allowed me to want to love others.
I am not exactly where God wants me to be, but by His grace I am headed in the right direction. I’ve been blessed to have spent one year in the Regeneration Program at the Hebron Center and another year in Ministry Training, by way of Servant Leadership Training. God continues to show me His love and I’m happy to share it with others. I am now in relationship with many of His children and now I don’t feel empty inside.
(Tom Has been clean from the lifestyle of Drugs and Alcohol for over a year and a half!)